Loving Kindness and Difficult People
Aloha All!
I found this in the files, from when Solstice was a nonresidential intentional community in Boulder, Colorado, and officially at the helm was the Board of Directors of the Solstice Institute, but actually, there was something we called "the core group". Always in consensus.
We all danced, played, meditated, worked and gathered variously together for over twenty years. Hundreds of us. Enormous gratitude to part of such a wonderful community.
Anyway, this seems relevant even today.
Peace be with you!
Ben (a.k.a. Varadaan)
Enjoy!
Loving Kindness and Difficult People
Solstice Institute Policy, drafted for the community, November, 2003
Sometimes a person's behavior affects the serenity of another. Actually this is a natural
part of Sangha -- it happens all the time. Maybe this is why the Siddhis of India chose to
live in caves. At Solstice, we share this space and an extended domain of Sangha
(Community). Every once in a while, it is necessary to take action to protect someone from
themselves or another. This is the topic of this communication from the Board to the
Solstice Community.
When somebody disturbs your serenity, what is the most compassionate response?
Solstice Institute Policy
Under unusual circumstances, a Staff member of Solstice Institute or 302 Pearl Street
Studios might need to call the police to protect someone from physical harm. This would
only be warranted if someone is exhibiting clearly violent and belligerent behavior, and
especially if that person is intoxicated or irrational. Before calling the police, the staff
person should 1) provide fair warning, then 2) ask the person to leave the facility on their
own for that day. However, if there is real danger of physical harm to the person or another,
then it is wise to just call the police and let professionals handle the situation. If there is
personal involvement with a particular member of staff, it will be best for another staff
member to interact with the individual. Taking this action would be a judgement call on
behalf of the staff / board members / core group members who are present or in
communication at that time, and a report of such action will need to be made to the Board of
Directors.
Under extremely rare circumstances, a member of our community may repeatedly behave
inappropriately in a manner that is perceived to be dangerous or offensive. After being
warned and failing or refusing to behave appropriately, the Board of Directors may decide
to ask that individual to refrain from attending Solstice events and activities for a period of
time, such as 1-3 months. A decision to make such a request is difficult, painful and is
made by consensus. The desire is to welcome the individual in question back into our
community after the nature/cause of the inappropriate behavior is understood and
addressed. A member of staff can recommend that the Board take this action, which is
undertaken only when deemed necessary.
Practicing Compassion at Solstice
Solstice has been built by many hands over many years. It is a love offering to existence
and is intended to be a sanctuary from the oppressions and excesses of our society, which
perpetrates violence and violation of people, often as an instrument of personal or corporate
greed. Everyone who visits or participates in the community field has responsibility to
protect the sanctity of our sanctuary. We all are here on earth to learn nonviolence, to
cultivate the highest serenity, joy and wisdomÑ to become enlightened beings. We are all
here to help each other, to hold each other, to practice active loving kindness. This premise
is the core value at Solstice. Please take a moment to reflect on how this relates to the policy
statement outlined above. Reflect on the story of the monastery with the one monk disliked
by the others who eventually convinced him to leave. The abbot returned and chased after
the departing monk asking him to come back so that the others could deepen their
understanding of compassion, to teach them about a higher state of consciousness. In 10
years we have never told someone they cannot be here permanently. This is a sanctuary, a
sacred space.
What is Violence?
Violence is action that causes harm; harm to others or harm to self. There is physical
violence, there is violence of words, and there is even violence in incorrect thinking, which
may only harm the person having such thoughts, but nevertheless produces karma.
Speaking derisively, negatively of another person is violence. We do not hear Tibetan
people saying the Chinese are bad people. They might describe objectively how poorly they
have been treated. In general, violence is a manifestation of karma- some unprocessed
emotion is rising up and may even result in damaging physical outcome. Each of us has
responsibility for becoming increasingly aware of the darkness that resides inside. The
only moment there is absolutely no violence in a person is the moment of complete and
perfect enlightenment -- an absolute ideal indeed, but worth striving toward.
Love to you all
The Solstice Institute Board of Directors
I found this in the files, from when Solstice was a nonresidential intentional community in Boulder, Colorado, and officially at the helm was the Board of Directors of the Solstice Institute, but actually, there was something we called "the core group". Always in consensus.
We all danced, played, meditated, worked and gathered variously together for over twenty years. Hundreds of us. Enormous gratitude to part of such a wonderful community.
Anyway, this seems relevant even today.
Peace be with you!
Ben (a.k.a. Varadaan)
Enjoy!
Loving Kindness and Difficult People
Solstice Institute Policy, drafted for the community, November, 2003
Sometimes a person's behavior affects the serenity of another. Actually this is a natural
part of Sangha -- it happens all the time. Maybe this is why the Siddhis of India chose to
live in caves. At Solstice, we share this space and an extended domain of Sangha
(Community). Every once in a while, it is necessary to take action to protect someone from
themselves or another. This is the topic of this communication from the Board to the
Solstice Community.
When somebody disturbs your serenity, what is the most compassionate response?
Solstice Institute Policy
Under unusual circumstances, a Staff member of Solstice Institute or 302 Pearl Street
Studios might need to call the police to protect someone from physical harm. This would
only be warranted if someone is exhibiting clearly violent and belligerent behavior, and
especially if that person is intoxicated or irrational. Before calling the police, the staff
person should 1) provide fair warning, then 2) ask the person to leave the facility on their
own for that day. However, if there is real danger of physical harm to the person or another,
then it is wise to just call the police and let professionals handle the situation. If there is
personal involvement with a particular member of staff, it will be best for another staff
member to interact with the individual. Taking this action would be a judgement call on
behalf of the staff / board members / core group members who are present or in
communication at that time, and a report of such action will need to be made to the Board of
Directors.
Under extremely rare circumstances, a member of our community may repeatedly behave
inappropriately in a manner that is perceived to be dangerous or offensive. After being
warned and failing or refusing to behave appropriately, the Board of Directors may decide
to ask that individual to refrain from attending Solstice events and activities for a period of
time, such as 1-3 months. A decision to make such a request is difficult, painful and is
made by consensus. The desire is to welcome the individual in question back into our
community after the nature/cause of the inappropriate behavior is understood and
addressed. A member of staff can recommend that the Board take this action, which is
undertaken only when deemed necessary.
Practicing Compassion at Solstice
Solstice has been built by many hands over many years. It is a love offering to existence
and is intended to be a sanctuary from the oppressions and excesses of our society, which
perpetrates violence and violation of people, often as an instrument of personal or corporate
greed. Everyone who visits or participates in the community field has responsibility to
protect the sanctity of our sanctuary. We all are here on earth to learn nonviolence, to
cultivate the highest serenity, joy and wisdomÑ to become enlightened beings. We are all
here to help each other, to hold each other, to practice active loving kindness. This premise
is the core value at Solstice. Please take a moment to reflect on how this relates to the policy
statement outlined above. Reflect on the story of the monastery with the one monk disliked
by the others who eventually convinced him to leave. The abbot returned and chased after
the departing monk asking him to come back so that the others could deepen their
understanding of compassion, to teach them about a higher state of consciousness. In 10
years we have never told someone they cannot be here permanently. This is a sanctuary, a
sacred space.
What is Violence?
Violence is action that causes harm; harm to others or harm to self. There is physical
violence, there is violence of words, and there is even violence in incorrect thinking, which
may only harm the person having such thoughts, but nevertheless produces karma.
Speaking derisively, negatively of another person is violence. We do not hear Tibetan
people saying the Chinese are bad people. They might describe objectively how poorly they
have been treated. In general, violence is a manifestation of karma- some unprocessed
emotion is rising up and may even result in damaging physical outcome. Each of us has
responsibility for becoming increasingly aware of the darkness that resides inside. The
only moment there is absolutely no violence in a person is the moment of complete and
perfect enlightenment -- an absolute ideal indeed, but worth striving toward.
Love to you all
The Solstice Institute Board of Directors
